Principled Simplicity

Ways to be Simple

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Chapter XI

Wedding is just an event to get married. Marriage starts after that.
All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different.

Marriage and Simplicity

Thirumagal Marriage Scheme!
People, who normally lead a simple life, surprisingly try to show off their wealth, when it comes to the marriage of their children. A famous bank brought a scheme called 'Thirumagal' Marriage scheme in Tamilnadu. This phrase acclaimed widespread appreciation among the masses. Once a girl child is born, a certain amount of fixed deposit or money to be paid in installments and that would earn a sizeable amount by the time the girl becomes grown up and become suitable for marriage, say at the age of twenty.

Thirumagal Marriage solvency scheme!
Many, who resort to put their weight around a marriage, take a loan, spend too much beyond their capability, end up paying high interest to the lenders and become worried for their lives! The girl who got married also spends sleepless nights, thinking of her unfortunate parents who had ended up in loans and are suffering for making her get married. Should one throw money this way just for 'a day's show?' Cannot we think of conducting the marriage by simpler means? We should think seriously and stop this menace. We should act constructively.

A Welcome change!
Twenty years ago, marriages were conducted for five or three days at a stretch, ending up in feasting for all three times, all the days, wherein an enormous amount was spent on food and lavishing parties. Nowadays, these systems are gone and many conduct the reception function on the very same-day evening of the marriage. This is an excellent 'time and cost' saving idea.

Unwanted pompous expenses
Let us come back to discuss the marriage expenses. Normally, in South India the reception expenses are borne by the groom's family and the marriage expenses by the bride's family. Most of the money is spent on clothes, jewellery, Marriage Hall rental, Decorations and food.

Wasted food is money that goes waste!
Let us keep the expenses to prepare the food, aside for this discussion. Think of those wasted or thrown out after the marriage feasts are over. You will be for a rude shock! There is always a maximum limit one can consume at a time. But we see in most cases; the marriage feast consists of varieties of food fed much beyond ones eating capacity. Eventually not all the food served is eaten; instead, they are thrown out in the dustbin. Many items would not be liked by you, but before you could spell it out or refuse, the item in question would have been served to you!

Need of the hour: One schedule marriage
Why cannot marriage become a one evening affair? Why can't all the functions be conducted at one session, say either in the morning or in the evening? Many neighbouring states, Christians and many north Indians conduct marriages only in the evening. If we have to conduct exclusively in the morning, why not conduct it in a temple, and have a feast during the night elsewhere? Why to waste rental money on hiring the mandaps.

Why should so much food go waste? How many poor citizens in our country go without food the whole day? How many sleep with a wet cloth on their belly to ward off hunger? Who is going to become angry on you if you do not spend on multi-period feasts? People who over feed themselves in the marriages get stomach aches while a hungry man also gets a stomach ache out of hunger.

Here is an alternative
If hospitality and serving others are your sole aim, then do this way. Just prepare more food on the marriage day and send them to orphanages, call poor people around and feed them sumptuously. Those deprived children will have at least some good food and will whole heartedly bless those who fed them. The workers and cooks get employment due to your generosity. The principled simplicity club members will surely help you to conduct such marriage feasts, if you approach us.

One feast that made one feel sad…
I happened to attend a marriage in a rich family recently. The food was served in buffet style. The vessels with all the delicacies were kept in rows one after the other both catering south Indian as well as Northern dishes.

Guests were free to serve themselves, any quantity they want. After the food was over, all types of betel leaf 'paan' was served with the same vigour, as they served the food. The guests too were unrelenting. They made way for the paan to go in and had a gulp of that finally.

Even before the din was over, I could overhear two guests speaking within themselves, "Should he show off his money this way?" There is a limit to be flashy. This limit got broke here in this dinner. The guests felt that what happened was not fair in many counts… I want to re-iterate my opinion: Marriages should be conducted in a simple way.

A doctor's great advice
A doctor once told me, "One day marriage feast cuts down your life, by a day. Yes, of course! What is prepared to satiate only your taste buds end up in creating a commotion inside and would also invite all illnesses. The tongue may wager happily, but what about your heart, liver and digestive system? They may wail! The host spends a lot, but the guest has no use of this lavish food, except for increasing his intake and satisfying his taste buds.

Here are few ideas to conduct a simple marriage

Conduct the marriage just in one session of the day, i.e., either morning or in the evening.

Feed only once.

Prepare few items that would satisfy the taste buds and are also good for health. Just serve only those limited items to the guests preferably, in the buffet system

Many attractive items may pull the guest towards them and irk the desire in him/ her to have more. Many would fill their plates with those tempting items and end up wasting them. So, better go for medium-sized plates.

If there is a display of the items to be served, as we do in hotels, one can make the guest ask for only those he wishes to eat and avoid serving all items to the guest.

The problems which multiply
Those who serve are in a hurry. They want to finish their task faster as the next batch of guests would be waiting. The guests rush to eat. The food which turns up unused or untouched eventually lands in garbage fill. The flies and mosquitoes cover that area and we can see a bad smell or odour emanate from the waste food pile which also is a generator of all germs!

The one who is over fed and the one, who has not seen food at all, both suffer with a stomach ache. This book finds a way out to eliminate both stomach aches, by the tool 'principled simplicity'. Is that OK?

Here is a simple plan

Every village should have a social welfare scheme
The volunteers of 'principled simplicity' can also run this in their name. Those who follow 'principled simplicity' will be called as 'principled simplicists'. By following this scheme, no food goes waste. The excess and unwanted cooked food would be shared with those who have no square meal a day.
This scheme can be named as 'principled simplicity scheme'. Meet the parents of the groom and the bride groom separately. Explain the evils of spending more and convince them for adopting a simpler strategy.
Create a forum for observing this 'principled simplicity scheme'. You can do this in three ways:

Scheme one:

Go with separate bags to the marriage halls. After food is served, go to each guest and request them to drop any items they feel they cannot eat, into the bag.
To do this in a better way, one may keep a paper plate besides each leaf. The following message should be printed on that plate:

'We join you in wishing the marriage couple, for a long happy married life. If you feel that you may not eat any of the served items, kindly leave them on this paper plate kept aside for that purpose. We would collect, segregate and serve them to the poor and deprived. - 'principled simplicity' forum

Without making any fuss or drawing the attention of the guests, collect the food and take it to the nearby slum or to an orphanage and distribute to them. Similarly, the food cooked in excess, which goes waste without being served, straight from the kitchen can also be collected to be fed to poor people.

Scheme two:

Try to get a three wheeler donated to your forum by any famous company. Preferably, a motorized one; Keep the closed vessels in that vehicle while serving. After the marriage feast is over, the remains can be taken in the same vessels and be served to the needy.

Scheme three:

Have a daily collection system, wherein you may collect the leftovers and excess food from hotels and hostels, which can also be given to the poor.
None needs money to conduct the above-said schemes. What we need is to spare some effort and time. By sparing few minutes aside for such noble cause, you may wipe off few drops of tears from a poor soul.

There is no dearth of such schemes. The benefits of these schemes are:

We avoid wasting food
The food goes to the needy and the deprived ones. You will be hailed as one who gave life to many by feeding them at least once in a day.
You do not need any money for these schemes.
What you need is some human heart, time, effort and a socially inclined mind.

Another extravagance…

Other than food, people also spend a lot on marriage costumes and dresses, jewellery and attires. Most of them would not wear their marriage suit or special sari ever again in their lives. Then why go for such costly dresses, which cannot be worn afterwards? After years, it would be only good enough to be given in exchange for buy stainless steel utensils!

Is it a poster or a marriage invitation???

There is one more unwanted expense in a marriage. The wedding cards. People resort to print very costly, lavish cards. Some we find of sizes more than a foot! People who receive develop an aversion to such a show and glamour.
In our seventh sense intelligence symposiums and workshops, we display some twenty different invitations as exhibits. The biggest among them was almost one foot long and the single card cost was Rs.100/- several years ago. There was a tiny card among those exhibits too.

This was just two inches long and two inches wide! When we asked most of the attendees to pick the card, they liked most; almost 80% of them picked the smaller card. What we learnt from that was that pomp, glamour and size do not attract a reader, but simple and neat ones do attract readers! So here is a humble request we put forth:

Please make simpler cards for marriages, birthdays or any other occasions. Avoid wasting paper. Trees are cut to make papers. We can save our mother earth from destruction. You please do not be instrumental for destructing the trees, indirectly. Use only recycled papers to print invitations.

The most important viewpoint

If you want to use the opportunity of a marriage to feed many? If so, then hire an economically priced chowltry or a hall, only to feed the poor. They all will eat and bless the married couple. You will also feel satisfied. Please do not forget that the best of donations is feeding the poor
Do not gift cloth to those who already possess big ward robes
People who find it difficult to choose what to wear from the best they have in their almirah which is full, need not be gifted clothes again. Instead, we can gift some cotton clothes to the needy and the deprived section of the society
Here is some food for thought. An elderly man advised a group of poor people, "Wash and wear even if it is a rag," Hesitantly a young woman came near him and enquired, "I agree, but what to wear when the rag is drying?" so, is the situation of many in our country. Better donate and make others donate too. Through 'principled simplicity' spread true love, spread humanity

Wedding gift

We do not go empty handed to a wedding. Furthermore, we do not come back empty handed. But let's plan the gifts, both ways. The gift should be a memorable, not just a ritualistic one.
There is a system in the Western countries. Those who intend to gift, openly inform the wedding couple about the budget they plan to gift and would enquire what the couple intends to buy with that. Then they jointly decide the best usable gift which makes both the giver and the beneficiary happy. Many give similar items as wedding gifts. There is no use of such items. The only use is, we again tend to give away one among those received, as a wedding gift to someone else! Like, money, there are many useless gift articles, which make circles among marriages.
If you feel your gift should be useful, simply why not gift a cheque to the couple? If you want a fancy gift, you may give a 'gift cheque' that is available in all banks, printed with floral decorations.

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